Women naturally exercise control from a feminine viewpoint, rather than from a masculine one. First, it must be pretty. Secondly, it mustn’t visibly rock-the-boat. The “boat” being the fairytale-like illusions of life constructed to handle (control) life’s experiences. So the boat that shouldn’t be rocked is really more like a lifeboat then an ocean liner. Here lies the problem; most belief they are secure in their berths in an ocean liner they control, going to fascinating ports-of-call…
The reality is they are afloat in a sea that takes them, hither and thither, as the winds of fortune and the tides dictate. They control nothing, while waiting to be rescued. This latter perception is uncomfortable, hence the need for the alternative. How does this get created?
As an example: I once had a lover who I loved from the depths of my soul. I can say that from the moment we meet we had felt a deep soul connection. How do I know this? She had said it and “you are the only man I have ever loved, love me forever.” In response, from deep within, I said, “I will.” What was left to discuss, right?
Well, no sooner would she profess her love, then she would add, “You scare me.”
“What???”
“I don’t know, but you scare me.” This left me wondering. I said what she felt that scared her was the depth of her feelings she felt with me; her world was being rocked. She thought about it, and then said, “You’re right, but you still scare me.” We never got further with this. She would run to a safe distance, and then run back to me, repeatedly. Eventually, she did not return. So what was at the bottom of this? What was the fear about?
My defensive reactions to her pulling away I’m sure increased her level of fear, I own my part; however, I didn’t create her fear. So what did? It finally became clear what caused her fear, and it was also my fear.
It is humankind’s greatest fear-love.
Think about these choices, but choose one.
Choice one: you get your jaw broken. Great choice huh!
Choice two: you get your heart broken…
Your jaw will heal in six weeks, over and done. However, heartbreak takes much longer to heal, and will never be forgotten. If you have never let anyone near enough, never had your heartbroken, then you may not understand this. However, your walls may mean you inherently fear love.
The pain of love’s loss is difficult to bear. Many prefer to live in loneliness, or in empty bartered-for relationships, then to face such vulnerability, and the possibility of heartfelt pain. Naturally, these alternatives were created to insulate from hurt. Women teach each other “the easiest way to get over a man is with another man.” If only it worked…but it doesn’t in the long run.
Now, what does all this have to do with lifeboats and ocean liners? My former lover constructed the illusion of her ocean liner; full of many of the things money could buy. She could buy (control) her reality. Life was then acceptable and she felt secure. Her boat did not rock. But what was she distracting herself from? From her feeling like she was in a lifeboat¬¬-with no control, helpless. The lifeboat she created during her youthful traumas that she could not handle and saw no way to resolve or heal. It is natural to want to escape bad situations. When we are physically unable, very often we create the escape within. We disassociate from the scary, hurtful reality. This is a common psychological notion.
What the above illustrates from a feminine viewpoint is controlling through illusion. We cast a spell cast over ourselves. And while women are no strangers to casting spells over men, they usually don’t see the ones they cast over themselves. Men are no different here, though they have their masculine versions. Neither allows one to live in the present moment. Reality becomes custom tailored. The tapestries of our lives are hand-sewn. They are made-up of our perceptions of life’s events, which we weave into our personal stories-and then believe them!
There is only one way out of these traps we have stitched together piece by piece. Be willing to face the disagreeable parts. Remove the stitching, discard the fabric of illusion we veiled ourselves in, and find the truth of who we are, not what we have been taught to be. You will need to practice forgiveness and heal.
So, are we all really in lifeboats? No, those are illusions too. Then what is real? Read Men-The Gods of Love, and when completed Women-The Gods of Wisdom, which contain important wisdom for both genders. The short answer-only love is real, the rest is illusion.
This doesn’t have to be scary or hurtful. It does mean laying aside ideas about knights-in-shining armor, comfortable acts for the sake of a real love-filled life. All there is are men trying to find love, most without a clue; and women who believe in lovely fairytales, without a clue either. Both are acting-out these parts, find them shallow and continue acting anyway. They know not what they do. Women must find their wisdom, men their hearts. From this point we create heaven, here and now.
