David G. Eigen, Ph.D.

Everything is a relationship, or lack of one. Relationships are the cornerstones of anything long-term. Your most important relationships are the ones that affected you the most, to the core. What are their hallmarks? Real relationships include being cared about, believed in, mutually. For example: Did your best boss, or teacher, or mentor care and believe in you? The answer is of course, yes, and you felt it too, didn’t you? And you cared about and believed in them in return. This mutual connection of caring and believing in was THE main ingredient, without which no real relationship would have been possible.

This is the secret key to all relationships; being believed in and cared about, not just seen as being “useful.” This is never more important than in a romantic relationship and yet mostly ignored. When a woman feels her man wants her only for sex and to do chores, her soul feels invisible, she feels unimportant, of little value. She resents this and it lessens her. When a man is seen as the stereotypical hero, protector, provider who takes out the garbage, but his essence is not seen, cared about or valued, he feels of little value. He resents and is lessened too. The barter system that has replaced sacred union in many marriages illustrates this.

While the above is clear, what is not clear is that all long-term real relationships are based in the same principals. This includes employer-employee, provider-client, apartment resident-doorman, etc. It doesn’t matter. Even if you remember the smallest personal detail about this person and ask about it indicates they as a human being have importance to you. Remembering a persons name is a good one that I struggle with personally. When I can’t remember, I make sure somehow by mentioning some detail that I do remember to show they are not taken for granted. I use word association to improve my retention and repeat their names when I meet them. Why, because they are important as human beings.

The words we commonly apply to important business relationships include: trust, caring, respect, mutuality, and win-win. These all are a part of creating good solid business relationships. The words we apply to personal relationships include: caring, intimacy, love, passion, fun, and exciting. By the way, intimacy does not mean sex, but a close, familiar, vulnerable relationship with another person or group (in-to-me-see). Here is where our thinking processes are in error; we created a distinction where there is none. Business and personal relationships’ qualities are not mutually exclusive. It is when we separate them that we deny others and our own essential humanness, because it is easier. Relationships require work.

We have become a society that worships the god of easier, laziness. We produce little and want a lot. This is our downfall. Easier means others get to do the hard work. The Chinese have agreed to be our Coolies and now own a substantial portion of our assets. This is the affect of the disease of easier. We have relegated others into transactional associations with us. This allows us not to care. Wall Street has always been about individual profit at the expense of others. Banks that charge ridiculous interest rates are another. Easier and its close cousin, gluttony are readily evident.

A transactional “relationship” is really just an interaction devoid of relationship. In a corporation we can see it in departments that hate each other. There is a complete lack of respect and understanding of the underlying relationships that is at cause. A great example is the department that all love to hate, the so-called Human Relations Department. Inhuman is more like it. Yet, they are not to blame. It is leadership that is. The buck stops there for a reason. They set the tone; they create the proper behavior models. And remember, most executives nowadays are almost exclusively interested in their “compensation packages.” How they get it, or how it affects the company as a whole, which includes the “underlings,” is not their concern.

I recently spoke on the above topic at an event of mostly business owners and afterwards an attendee came up to me and said, “My wife came to me when the economy went sour and said, ‘we have enough money, do not lay off a single person’.” He said he agreed with her and didn’t let anyone go. This says volumes about his loyalty, his caring for his employees. He will reap the benefits, as will his employees. Yet, in corporate America, we send in “efficiency experts” to slash what is seen as a “bloated” workforce. It is now about getting the work of three from one worker who is terrified of losing a job. The long-term effects will be disastrous. Our industries will continue to produce a declining product, because management and the shareholders want short-term profits. The bloat is mostly at the top. Limiting bonuses and incentives would be a great start, voluntarily would be ideal. The essence of this executive problem is covered in my previous article Failure of Corporate Culture, but it boils down to egocentric greed. These scenarios are all possible because transactional interactions have replaced human relationships.

We have come to the time were we are faced with the choice between what is right and what is easy. Essentially, it’s all about easy money versus correct behavior. Easy money has always held an attraction and in the past forty years it seems the pendulum swung heavily in favor of easy. The effects on our world are quite evident, we’ve shot ourselves in the foot, and nothing is easy anymore. Time to make new choices, earn real rewards, and create real things. Speculation to make a quick buck is parasitic in the long-term. Start building real relationships today.

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To start understanding corporate culture and its members, we must look at what corporations and their officers represent to their employees and the world. Simply speaking, corporations are by-and-large patriarchal family units. To their employees, corporate officers represent big daddy and to a lesser extend big mommy. Our parents are the ones that take care of you, guide you, sets the rules, nurture you, and model correct behaviors for you. Daddy teaches morals, integrity, honesty, good citizenship, caring, which are seen as forms of love. He makes long-term plans and teaches goal setting. Mommy supports, cares for, and nurtures you.

Companies, specifically their officers, have similar parental responsibility, as do parents. What they do reflects “normal” behaviors to their charges. Kids copy parents. And just like in the home, when the parents are too busy, disinterested, or uncaring of their charge’s welfare, darkness and anarchy results.

If one’s charges feel ignored, a burden to their parent’s lifestyles, an unimportant easily replaceable cog in the machine, the long-term outcome will be disastrous. Now, let’s apply this to the culture of the corporate officer and for that matter the government, the biggest corporation.

Remembering back to the 1960’s, it was a goal to work for a corporation. The corporation was trusted to be a good citizen, a role model that took “care of its own.” During retirement you would be cared for and medical insurance assured. Companies were viewed as working for the inclusive greater whole. The country was seen mostly as a cohesive unit, not perfect, but good and getting better. The officials set long-term goals that were concerned with the long-term viability of the company of which they were a part, not just filling their own pockets.

Then came the Seventies and corporate “raiders.” These heartless whores would sell their mothers for a dollar. They gobbled-up healthy corporations using the devil’s tool, venture capitol, which is conscienceless profit oriented funding. Their goals were to rape their victims of their virginal pension funds, and sell off any of its organs they could make a profit on; regardless of the cost to corporate health as a whole, and its family members. Remember, the pension funds held contributions from the employee and employer, but were held in the name of the company. The government allowed this theft, which said this type of behavior was OK. It was the equivalent of capturing humans and selling them off for body parts. Don’t think this isn’t happening in the more corrupt “third world” today.

What did this say to the employees who contributed to these pension funds? We don’t give a “rat’s ass” about you; you are less than unimportant! That message was heard loud and clear. And the “family” adjusted to the new models and learned how to be like their new daddy’s, heartless, egocentric whores without integrity, honor or morals.

Detroit, another example of this “me, me, me” thinking. In the Fifties and Sixties, the US automobile industry was respected for producing good quality reliable machines. In the Seventies, Detroit’s corporate officers started thinking solely about themselves. They decided, why retool, cheapening everything to squeeze the last drop of blood from our products? They reaped huge bonuses and unheard of retirements. The consequence to the corporate body and our economy was buyers bought foreign cars. But these officers didn’t care; they were making big money. Japanese goods were considered inferior, now they’re seen as superior. Detroit set this stage along with the unions, which demanded unreasonable compensation for their members while protecting decline workplace quality. Neither side cared about their products, or the consumer, or the country. Just me, me, me—and now.

Then came the Eighty’s and it brought a new version self-involvement, boomer kids, the so-called “ME & X” generations, “it’s all about me.” We completed the shift to ME, myself and I, from family and extended family (communities, corporations, and the country as a whole.) These are the generations of the undisciplined, disenfranchised, egocentric progeny. It was the era of the Savings and Loan fiascos that we didn’t learn from, and that spawned the technology shell game that ended with the “tech bubble” bursting.

All these generations have one thing in common, lack of connection. Our government sets this stage by what it allows and models. From the lies of Tricky Dickey to Bush’s innumerable lies we saw what was being modeled as proper, normative—dishonesty. Clinton wasn’t honest either. The Bush administration held unfettered businesses would be good for all. Those profiting thought so. Nobody gave much heed as our Clinton era surplus disappeared into a multi-trillion dollar abyss. No one noticed the rich getting richer, as the lower classes were being enticed into the illusion of riches by easy unrealistic loans. The government allowed the selling off of our assets to foreign interests; “outsourcing” our jobs at the same time as “free trade”. The government did nothing to rein-in Wall Streeters who packaged bad loans into “securities,” that were anything but secured. No one said a word when corporate officers took obscene bonuses, golden parachutes, and retirements. They didn’t own the companies, or create them, but were good at raping them.

The corporate culture of blind, gluttonous greed is at the heart of the matter. Gone are the morals and principles of our founding fathers of a unified Democratic Republic where all men are created equal. It is only lip service now, usurped by greedy lawyers. Right under our noses we allowed a revolution of misers, who now own what’s left of this country that wasn’t sold off. Gone is the wealth and inspiration of the middle class. Soon all will be working for the “company store,” the Walmarts of the world. Only this time the store is government backed. And they know how to manipulate with fear.

It’s clear that our corporate culture is destroying the world. Time to wake up and teach empathy and real accomplishment, not self-worth fomented from egocentric attainments.

This may seem harsh, please don’t take it personally. Look past any reaction you may have to see if there is truth contained herein. You may know that my second book, Women-The Gods of Wisdom is nearing completion. From its title you can see what I think is women’s heritage, not who they are being. This is exactly the case for men in my first book, Men-The Gods of Love, again, not who they are being, but who they can be. This article follows the previous article I wrote called Testosterone as Scapegoat. In it I referred to women blaming the world’s problems on Testosterone.

Well, I thought of another idea, if testosterone is considered by some as a causal factor for men’s conscienceless behaviors, perhaps we can also consider estrogen as being also a casual factor for women’s less than perfect behaviors. If women blame everything on men, then they don’t have to look at themselves, their part in life’s dance or accept responsibilities for what they create.

Elements of women’s part in the dance of life and relationships include:
1. The plans they are conditioned to construct about how life is supposed to look and what they choose to overlook.
2. The expectation for men to follow along with their plan about how life should look, which includes an assumption that men know what their plans are, no less agree.
3. The consequences their actions have on themselves, their mates, offspring, friends, and the world.
4. “To be or not to be,” responsible that is.

Women are taught by the patriarchal group role model to think their thoughts are not equal to a man’s, and direct in your face expression (like this piece) is considered allowable only for men. Of course, this is nonsense, but not untrue. However, women develop brilliant ways of manipulating to get what they want, which shows their innate intelligence. Unfortunately, what women have developed, which they are blind to, is their own belief systems, concurrent actions, and their consequences. They don’t see themselves in the mirror, only the illusion of self they created. “Mirror, mirror on the wall…” and “don’t tell me anything I don’t want to know.” One of these behaviors is learning to avoid responsibility like a stealthily Ninja. In Billy Joel’s song, he says “she cannot be convicted; she’s earned her degree, but the most she will do is throw shadows at you, but She’s Always a Women for Me.” This refers to the ability to dodge or shift responsibility, refocusing the negative on others.

I have never heard a man say that he doesn’t trust men. What I have heard from many women is that they don’t trust other women. I asked a number of women to describe their experiences with other women.

Here is what women have said about women:
1. They’re smiling faced backstabbers.
2. They will say anything to get what they want, no matter who they hurt.
3. They’re home wreckers. It’s interesting to note then when a man is unfaithful, with who is not really important; it’s the man’s fault. Women will go after another women’s man without blinking an eye, and get away with it. Somehow that is acceptable.
4. Drama Queens who play the lead, director, and producer in the dramatic production, their life.
5. They’re competitive, in a destructive fashion. Winning not by excelling, but by destroying the competition, who could even be a friend.
6. They’re hypocritical, having differing standards for others they don’t need to follow.
7. They can be intentionally mean, belittling, and petty.
8. They can be fake. Pretending to be something they’re not.

These women gave me the following reasons they believe causes women to behave in the above manners: insecurity, jealousy, fear of unknown, fear of being different, fear of being ordinary (invisible), neediness, and the fear of being alone.

Why do they behave in these ways? Because their conditioning teaches beliefs that lead to these behaviors. Directness, a male characteristic, is called unfeminine. “A woman must be sweet and pretty to be liked,” and “sugar and spice and everything nice” are some of the dictates given women. This is like the conditioning men receive with “big boys don’t cry.” All these dictate separate parts of our true selves from us. We are the walking wounded, because parts of the whole are considered only acceptable to the other gender. Men are disallowed emotions, becoming unfeeling beings. Women are disallowed reason, becoming chaotic emotional beings.

While the men of Wall Street, the bankers, and others are doing their gluttonous grabbing of the loot without conscience, where are their women? Pretending to be unaware while living the good life and amassing fortunes. Look at Mrs. Madoff the wife of the $50 billion ponzi schemer, just sent to jail. It was recently made public that she received $78 million. And of course all the family property purchased with his looting of anyone he could is hers too. Most likely there are billions stashed away for the family. And she is innocent? Oh, that’s right; it’s the man’s fault, she’s just the wife. Maybe she is totally unaware of husband’s misdeeds. I believe her blindness, if real, is a choice. She didn’t want to know. This is how some women remain in the dark, by choice. It provides a convenient alibi.

Women, it is time to stand up, look in the mirror, not to put on more make-up, but to take it off, and see what is really inside. Then, make a decision if who you are is who you want to be. If so, continue, if not, change, recreate, and educate yourselves. Then, get with your men and ask them to awaken their power, their love/feelings. You know how to motivate them, use this to help them evolve. Recognize that the dance your men are doing includes you. You have an important say in it, more than you may want to admit, and your men need you, and your undeveloped wisdom. Develop it please for the sake of the world.

It was recently pointed out to me that all of the Wall Street people in the news, the bankers of failing banks, the AIG greed mongers, were not only wrong, but male. This was applied in general to men in government that thought that business would behave as good citizens and balance out business and social needs for the good of all. That some of the whistle blowers were reportedly women was also mentioned. The speaker’s conclusion was that it was testosterone that was behind it all.

Two Cambridge University researchers John Coates and Jim Herbert have written about irrational market trading with too much testosterone. They “have found that market fluctuations affect — and may be affected by — hormones associated with stress, sexual development and aggression. High levels of testosterone in the morning predicted higher profits that day. If people want to get practical, it would be good for both banks and the financial system as a whole if we had more women and older men in the markets. The findings could dramatically rewrite the way economists model human behavior when it comes to financial decisions. If there’s a biological element to financial life, we have to start building different kinds of models and thinking about policy in a different way. It’s proof to me we’re dealing with a biological organism rather than a computer.”

I once worked with a transgendered person, male to female, who said he/she had figured out the problems of the world, and that it was testosterone. His/her way of dealing with it was to excise the demon by having “it cut off.”

OK, so following all the above “logic,” the solution to the world’s problems might be the castrating of all males. Ah-hmmm! Clearing my throat, I have a different idea to offer, one based on my understanding of the male that I clearly outlined in my book, Men-The Gods of Love.

First, allow me to make an analogy, a poor one at that. Guns are inanimate objects and they don’t do anything including kill people in and of themselves. It takes people to kill people using a gun. This is indisputable. The same is true of knifes, bows and arrows, spears, sticks and stones, and bare hands. Used to hunt, defend and protect they have positive uses. Used by people, who are admittedly mostly men, they can also be used for less than desirable purposes.

Now, let’s look at testosterone. It wasn’t forged by man like a gun, it isn’t a tool, it is a hormone created in perfection by God, the universal intelligence, or whatever you prefer to call the force behind the creation of all things. That makes it sacred.

Alright then you may think, if testosterone is so perfect and sacred, what the hell are all these men doing and why? Excellent questions!

It all starts for men with the prohibition “big boys don’t cry,” and continues throughout life where men are taught the patriarchal dictates that prohibit feelings (accept for anger). Don’t cry, show your scared, or feeling alone, hurt, or powerless; suck it up, be a man (of the unfeeling macho type). This is men’s training worldwide. This disconnects men from their feelings, creating a dissociative state in them. Men are told it is wrong, weak, and shameful to have human feelings. It messes men up severely, handicapping them. They are trying to be “men” for their women and this training teaches them to repress the very feelings that are the underpinning of love and relationship. These denied feelings are also what create in men their inspirational creative abilities. Feelings are also a part of conscience. Repressed, men’s feelings explode out as rage and the repression limits their ability to empathize, be compassionate and considerate. So, it is the testosterone driven force in men, or a gun for that matter, when used without feelings and conscience, that is the cause of such unwanted behaviors. And it clearly leads to disastrous consequences. The above researchers draw a conclusion that we are working with a “biological organism, not a computer.” No, we are dealing with human souls twisted by mentalist dictates.

Feelings have been excised in men and this is what fails to direct and guide the driving force in men. It is not men in the previously mentioned cases, but how they have been brought up, trained to be, that is at cause. It is time to allow men to express feeling in a masculine way. This is not as easy as you might think. Men have for eons been taught feelings are shameful, so how should they express them, like women do? On the whole I would say no, men need to learn how to do this in a masculine way, which does not feminize them. Communications, admitting these feeling to themselves, peers and women are crucial elements.

Step by step men can be guided, or ridiculed as wrong, bad, beasts. Blaming it on testosterone is male-bashing and castrating. If you don’t understand men, then look within them and read my book before you do anything else. Women are not innocent, but they think they are. Passive acceptance of inappropriate behaviors, while receiving their benefits makes women just as culpable. Just ask Mrs. Madoff. She’s not suffering and the thief is protecting her. Here is where change must start. All must recognize their participation in this dynamic and communicate it, create a dialog. Then we must allow change to happen, not by passively wishing it so, but by being an active participant of it.

Emotions are a crucial part of humanness; the gluttonous behaviors mentioned at the beginning of this article are clearly linked to a lack of conscience, empathy, and compassion. It is a completely mental and egocentric strategy at work. It is easy to blame specific things like hormones, or guns. But it’s men’s conditioning that is the root cause. Just like this training diminishes women preventing them from being their true heritage, which is the title of my forthcoming second book, Women-The Gods of Wisdom.

Our present meltdown will be a creative restructuring force and from its ashes the Phoenix will rise. What do you choose that Phoenix to look like? What are you willing to change within yourself to create this? Men must rise up out of their mental stupors, their constructed realities that say “he who dies with the most toys wins,” or it’s “all about the bottom line.” They must not accept the belief that consequential damages are just a consequence of life and therefore OK. They must become the dynamic and feeling beings they are. Women must rise up out of their stupor, their fairytale of emotions and other illusions, their constructs, and become the embodiment of wisdom needed to guide this world. Teach us all how to bring the wisdom of spirit, into matter.

Stand up and be counted. The stakes are nothing less than the world.

Reconnecting Life, Business, and Family

What’s missing in life that nobody seem to be able to understand?  The evidence that something’s amiss, abounds in every aspect of life from: economic disaster, relationship disaster, loneliness, addiction, poverty, greed, and a general state of manic depression that seem pervasive.  What is going on, what’s missing, and most importantly, WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?

I am going to start with the current business model, but it applies to all aspects of life. What’s missing is the human factor. Specifically, the feeling and emoting part that sets us apart from machines. Yet, the role model of the fearless and hence feeling-less warrior is what we look for in leaders. Driven, egocentric terminators bent on increasing the bottom line. You think I jest? You call the bankers that sold-out their stockholders making loans that shouldn’t have been made, while reaping huge bonuses, or the Wall Street pimps of packaged worthless loans as anything but this idea. How about Madoff, who took fifty billion of people’s money without a lick of concern for them? He’s another clear example. So what is missing in the model that would allow these actions?

How about an ancient story? There once was a man would wanted all the wealth of the world (alright, there were many), but this one received a “wish.” Everything he touched turn to platinum, or was it gold? Let’s use gold. He would send his minions to the bazaar and have worthless trinkets brought to him, and he would package them in such a way that they turned to gold. He did that with everything, a true alchemist. His camel became gold, his minions, his home and everything in it. But the gift kept on giving, not a cash cow, a golden cow. His food and drink became gold as it touched his lips. He started to starve in his opulence, as did all in his household. Then, his daughter whom he loved more than anything saw his misery and ran into his arms to comfort him. Yep, she turned to gold too. But he had his gold that he wished for. Now what was he to do, something was amiss from his wish. He left out something. The human factor, which includes: feelings, caring, concern, partnership, relationship. The only relationship he had was with the bottom-line of how much gold he could “win” in this game of life. After all, “he who dies with the most golden toys, wins,” right?

OK, that this is the current business model should be of no surprise. We see people acting like money making machines-and want to hire or be like them. We forget that they come first in the model and maybe the company is second. The machine is not concerned with anything other than its programmed goal. Forget about the cogs in the wheel, the employees, stockholders, customers, and the general public. Politicians and the political parties do the same, so do street gangs. And to some degree, so do most of us. Egocentric thinking is not the exclusive domain of the wealthy, they just exploit it better. And we are all left starving. If this is the “end of days,” God needs do nothing, we do it to ourselves.

Can you imagine an alternative way of being where in the corporate boardrooms the concern for everyone and thing (environment) was always part of the process? Not the only part of the boardroom talk, but a part. Can you imagine boardroom talk about the emotional impact on everyone, even the effects of the economy on their employee’s relationships, and how they could help?

“I have a dream.” That all men and women can come together, communicate their true feelings, care and support each other, while creating a much great level of success then ever dreamed of in every type of relationships. Some will think I am crazy. What do you think?

By now everyone has awoken to the fact that we were living under the illusion of “all is right.” IT’S NOT! How can one handle one’s emotions and those of co-workers, friends, lovers, employees, employers, family and the world?

It’s actually relatively simple. No, don’t jump off a bridge. But do jump into the water. The water I speak of is the emotional water, nowadays, that’s looking more like sewage. How do you “jump into the water” without becoming dirty? Communicate, allow your feelings, share them, and let other share with you. What you will find is that - you are not alone. The feelings won’t become reality; they’re just feelings and will dissipate by sharing. Unreleased feelings build a “head of steam” like a pressure cooker that will overpower you. Feelings can be guides, or just reactions like the “fight or fright” reaction. We can choose to respond to them, or acknowledge and release them. But it is necessary that we all share and support one another. This way, while you are in the “water,” nothing will stick, or worse, build-up on you. The act of sharing, communicating your truth creates what could be described as a non-stick coating around you. In fact you just might start freeing yourself from the negativity that surrounds you. The truth will set you free.

To understand what I am saying let me first give you a quick primer on the sexes. Realize that for men admitting to and communicating about emotions is more difficult, as males are shamed by having feelings remotely resembling fear, powerlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, etc. They are taught to suck-it-up, be a man, the hero, protector, provider for their women, families and country. Otherwise, they will be wimps. In fact, as discussed in depth in my book, Men-The Gods of Love, men are only allowed two emotions. One is anger, needed to be a warrior. The other is sex, which is the substitute for all other needs not allowed in men. This is the model of machismo. Women perspective must change to include this understanding to correctly view men and not judge or resent them for being what they have been taught to be, for women.

Women, who are trained to be emotional, are taught they are not as mentally capable. “Honey, don’t trouble your pretty little self with that, I will take care of it.” This debases a woman’s ability to reason. They also see mental based men, acting in undesirable ways, so they judge reason as wrong. Reason is not wrong, nor are emotions. Both are correct and need to be balanced in both sexes.

Women can help males by allowing men to express feelings in masculine ways. Ask for permission first before discussing emotions, ALWAYS. Don’t just offer suggestions, or try and pull the expressions of emotions out of someone, without permission. It may be more difficult for a wife to get her man to talk. After all, he is trying to protect her. He is also afraid she will abandon him. So, if he stonewalls discussion, allow this, and talk with others about your feelings. Ask others to talk with him discretely. One way that often works is to make it about you and ask him for help to fix it. Then he will not feel threatened of his masculinity and may even feel valued, which he probably isn’t feeling inside, no matter how much you actually value him.

For example, read my book and say, I am confused here, would you help me understand this, could this idea I have seen be true? Let him read it and help you, and him.

Employers, you may think the emotions are no business of yours. Wrong, dead wrong! Why don’t you “buy a Monday morning car?” If someone “gets up on the wrong side of the bed,” why are they cranky? Are they good for business in this state? What about divorce, how does it affect creativity, and overall work performance? Getting the picture now? In today’s environment fear is rampant for good reason! To ignore this is BAD FOR BUSINESS. And it will shape your company and your bottom-line. You must become proficient at handling emotions, being open about what all are feeling. The ones you lay-off and the ones that retain their jobs are both deeply affected.

Recently, there was a large lay-off where the people found out upon arriving that they were laid-off and were not allowed to even say goodbye, have their co-workers do the same, and retrieve their personal possessions till the weekend. This is IN-human relations. This home improvement company thought it was keeping their retained staff from turmoil. What the underlying message they heard was: “we don’t care a lick about any of you and will do the same to you when we decide to. But of course, we will still take ridiculous salaries and bonuses.” And you think this disloyalty won’t backfire? It already has! Even their customers resent this. Businesses have worshiped the god of gluttony. The banks and Wall Street has demonstrated this well. There is no consideration for weak feelings, only how much, by when. Politics is no different. Perhaps we all have become infected with this thinking. It is heartless, short-termed bottom-line results thinking that has led to the demise of this country. Can we save it? Certainly not by doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.

It’s time to reinvent us. Become feeling, communicative, reasoning partners. In order for the Phoenix to rise from the ashes of our egocentric greed, the old flying pig must die, that is: be reborn, created anew. I believe we all can wake up as partners to each other and build something wonderful with the power of our hearts, focused by reason.

View Talk:  Part I, Part II, Part III

These are difficult and uncertain times for all. Stress is a typical byproduct of change in normal situations. Our times are anything but “normal,” so the possibility for and intensity of stress is dramatically increased. How does this affect relationships? That will depend on the parties involved, but obviously it has the potential to be disastrous.

So how do we handle these trying predicaments to create and encourage deeper connection? How do we support relationships that are hurting, stressed-out, in danger of failing apart? We need to go back to basics, relationship 101, that most skipped, or slept through, or were secretly afraid of.

Let’s refresh these principals. The basics are openness, communication, honestly, and love. Love is the foundation naturally, but love alone is not nearly enough. “How do I love thee, let me count the ways,” is great as the foundation for connection, but it is ego-centric, being about “how I feel,” not the give-and-take, the dance of relationship. When I was young I used to dance freestyle, now I only partner dance (ballroom). You may ask what this has to do with relationships; an understandable question. The answer is—a relationship is a partner dance. When I was young I didn’t know how to dance with a partner, so I “freestyle” danced. I had “one-night stands” too. They were distracting, fun, but ultimately unfulfilling. I did not want to commit to a relationship as truth be told, I was afraid and didn’t understand how. Men are accused by women of fearing commitment. That’s because men are not as indoctrinated as women in the relationship models represented in fairytales. Women seem to know exactly what it takes and if men would only play-out their assigned roles as princes, all would be good—or so the princesses think. From the success rates around us, men and women rightfully fear entering something they don’t know how to do. I had no real understanding what a relationship inherently took to make it work. I have a better understanding now. Allow me to share what I have experienced and learned.

First, stop freestyling. That is the secret. You will have to learn how to partner dance. You will need to let go of the ego-centric illusions of me-me-me, and move into—us. Not us as it serves me, but us as we serve each other.

What does it take? Communication is primary, but communicate what? Most communicate what they want, desire, and are not getting enough of. Being in service to each other is not usually included and may never have been. And also mutual attempts to serve may have been missed by the other party. Communication would help both understand these attempts. Now, here is the big one, especially in our times, we must communicate all that we feel like: our fears, uncertainties; as well as thoughts like: how are we going to make it, I feel like a failure, and am angry at the world for wrongs it has done to me, etc. This is more difficult for men, who have been taught to “suck it up,” be a man, don’t show your fears, or you will be judged as weak, inferior and undesirable (unlovable). Women need to understand this and be open to helping a willing man to access these feeling. If he is not willing, is hunkered down in his bunker, you will need gobs of understanding and patience. Trying times will make it more difficult for him to face his fear of being a failure, as he as a man is supposed to be the strong one for his woman. He fears he will let her down by admitting his fear. He also fears she will look for a stronger rock, better provider. This is not an impossible scenario, is it? Now you can better understand his fear, feelings of vulnerability, and lack of communications. This does not excuse it, only shines the light of understanding on the actions of men that many women have expressed objection to. Read MEN-THE GODS OF LOVE FOR MORE.

Importantly, the secret to communicating that most don’t understand, more so men, is that by honestly sharing these deepest darkest emotions, they don’t become true, they actually lose their charge, becoming easier to bear. This is because emotions that are held in, repressed, are negatively energized by the act of repression. Releasing them releases the charge. Then life can be dealt with more easily.

OK, so now let’s get back to today. Many are losing or have lost jobs, homes, retirements, savings, etc. The word depression looms in our minds, yet is treated like the pink elephant that no one wants to talk about. I know, I feel it too. So what do we do? We communicate and support each other no matter what economic hurricane hits. It too will pass. We acknowledge with gratitude our divine spirits that enables us to connect. We must tend this like a gardener, with the fertilizer of love, truth and communication. We don’t give up on us, even if we have to give up on certain material things. We continue to love, grow, and evolve even in adversity with mutual support. We seek new pathways of creation, new ways of doing things, while we acknowledge how we blindly choose to be led astray. Out of the fires the phoenix WILL BE REBORN. This I promise. Feel it inside, you know it too. Blessing to us all as we walk the hot coals.

The Politics of Street Gangs, Corporations, and Others

Loyalty is defined as: the quality or state of being loyal; a feeling of devotion, duty, or attachment to somebody or something. Allegiance, trustworthiness, fidelity, devotion, and dependability are some of the synonyms for it. Isn’t it interesting how “free market” street gangs, political gangs (parties), Wall Street gangs (corps) are so similar? They defend their causes at all cost without considering the consequences their actions have on others. To disagree is considered disloyal and may cost you your livelihood, or life. Loyalty to country (nationalism) has similar behaviors patterns, as do religions. If you speak out against your government, you will have consequences that vary country to country, being accused of disloyalty, or in some countries treason. The Catholic Church had its inquisition and Iron Maiden for those that disagreed. The Muslim word beheads you for the same, all in the name of God.

Ethics are moral principles that govern appropriate conduct. It is interesting that these terms, ethics and loyalty can be applied from two such differing viewpoints. One produces behaviors that reflect the ego-centric view; the other reflects a world view. Ego-centric examples are the street gangs wearing the gang uniforms (colors/tattoos), selling its products (drugs) without conscience, demanding gang loyalty, silencing those that oppose or are disloyal, and other gang-related activities. These are exactly the same as the corporate gangs on Wall Street (WS), wearing gang colors (suits), selling its products (worthless subprime mortgage backed securities), silencing those that oppose or are disloyal, and other WS gang related activities. From their point of view ethics are principals of free market anarchy, anything goes if we win! Winning of course is measure by the wealth created, bottom-line thinking. Neither gang gives the slightest thought to the consequences others reap from their actions. Religions can act similarly, as can a country’s government. In the last two presidential terms the Republican Party displayed this ego-centric, me, me, me thinking. Those in the upper echelons were enriched, the rest of us were en-robbed. The gang leaders got the bulk, though severance packages for the street gang leaders (lead) are nowhere near as good as WS and other corporate gangs (gold).

OK, so let’s look at the natural/world-view of ethics and loyalty. By world-view I simply mean where ones decisions include the world. An easy example is a big industry that has been pouring toxic waste into a river (ego-centric), waking up (for whatever reason) and changing its operations so as not to pollute; being a good corporate citizen. Simple, right? They learn how to create a “greener operation,” perhaps even make money off of the new technology. And they see the long term costs of the old way on people’s health, the environment, and the world. My local drycleaner just switched its cleaning chemicals from toxic to green ones. This is a great development for that industry. Not long ago demand for this was nil, now there is awareness and demand. The industry rose up to meet the need. Fuel efficient cars, solar energy, wind driven energy are all being created by the demand. These industries did not try to hard in the past to educate and offer these products. But that was not profitable in the near term, and the ego-centric view does not allow for this. This would have been a world view if they had. And we would have been at the forefront, instead of playing catch-up.

Now, let’s apply the natural/world view model to the ego-centric model. Without question unadulterated greed would have to be seen for what it is. It is clearly ego-centric. This is the Midas syndrome everything they touch, including what they love, turns to gold. Nothing wrong with gold, but trading everything for it? This is so short sighted. Just look at our economy at the moment teetering on depression. This is the results of the ego-centric view. The parasitic “free market” played out, sapping even the parasites. That’s how nature (an aspect of spirit) does it. If the species cannot control itself, it winds up decimating itself. What I am writing about is balance, the natural law of all things seeking equilibrium. This is not possible with the ego-centric model. Some species self-balance naturally, some not. Then, the natural law steps in and this activates boundaries, creating limiting actions usually more painful then self-imposed limits. Otherwise, what will occur is gluttonous anarchy. Viruses are great examples of this. They grow and consume all till there is nothing left to consume, then die-off.

So what I am actually speaking of is a new world view of proper gang behavior. Yes, you can care about your fellow members and the gang’s objectives. No, you can’t do this to the exclusion of all else, especially your own inner integrity that contained within your spirit. This is the big change in our awareness. Your inner knowing must be recognized and considered. This is the feminine energy within men that they are denied by our present mind-set. My book, Men-The Gods of Love addresses this very issue. And yes, all this requires that we create new thinking pathways, how to balance ego and spirit, corporate bottom line needs with corporate citizenship needs. Luckily, all it takes is the intention and appropriate action to shift our thinking.

I am speaking of responsibility, ethics of the soul, ego, team (gang) in a paradoxical paradigm, where all are true at once. Equal, but different, with long term global considerations that include the group good as the norm.

Our illustrious King (President) said in September speaking about the “financial bailout” that he saw our economy like a “house of cards,” and that one of the cards was failing so he took action. Snaps for the president. Unfortunately, his statement fails to address two issues, one being, our economy should not be a house of cards, and two, through the illusion of “deregulation” and “free market” capitalism, his administration directly allowed, encouraged and created our present situation.

He directly influenced the Fed for years not to raise interest rates, so his administration and party would look good. His administration was looking good through the years of abundance. But the abundance was based on borrowed money, bad loans, and unadulterated gluttony. Many must have looked at the turning of a workable budget into an unprecedented deficit, as nothing short then magic. It turns out to be black magic, but his administration rode the prosperity ship to their greatest advantage. Of course, now it has crashed into the rocks. But his term is nearly over and he and his backers have made their money. The next administration will be the one responsible for the salvage operations. His administration stayed in business (reelected) by selling fear to the American people. They created known lies that got us into a war, which keep us distracted and made lots of money for the “Manchurian Candidate’s” clan. All the while he is selling off parts of this country to finance his illusions. And we were going to impeach Bill Clinton for lying about an affair that was his personal business? Let’s start by jailing Bush’s entire administration, as they are all knowingly complicit.

Let’s look at the retired King of the Fed, Volker, he saw this coming, was instructed to keep up the illusion and didn’t have the balls to say NO! Now, he says he was wrong in believing that the kings of gluttony would behave, that capitalism unfettered would ideally seek balance. How special! And he is only one of many. Our congress is another useless organization that spends its days:

1.      Thinking how it can make money for its members. Oh, let me count the ways.

2.      Make money for those that have put them in power (”Pork Barrel” projects, contracts, tax incentives, etc).

3.      Denigrate the opposition, no matter if right or wrong. This may hurt the country as a whole, but that is not important if it bolsters their position.

4.      All the while appearing like they are doing their jobs for their employer (the people of the USA).

It is time for this country to wake up, take back its power and recreate itself as the shining example it can be. Right now we are seen as self-centered gluttons.

1. First, we must address the tyranny of our political parties.
2. We need a third party for balance.
3. Line item veto powers.
4. An end to the Electoral College.
5. Another way of choosing chairmanships for the congressional committees, like a rotating position.
6. Also, we need campaign reforms to exclude PACs, and other loopholes, as McCain originally intended.

Then, perhaps we can create a greater good for the whole country and world, not just for the benefit of the particular politicos in power.

Now, I am sure you are thinking, what “Divine” notion am I writing of? It is the notion of freedom. We have seen a convenient version of this notion played out in our stock and mortgage markets. Not working too well is it. So what is wrong with the notion of freedom? “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to loose,” so wrote Kris Kristofferson. So how come we have lost so much?

We have mistaken blind egocentric gluttony for freedom. We have been told that a free market will seek equilibrium, just like nature. OK, so much for that illusion. Freedom is a form of love. You can’t love from an egocentric position; you must take into consideration the other party. Not so in our “free” market system. Unbridled capitalism is single-sided gluttony, plain and simple. The bottom line is all that matters. It takes responsibility for nothing and no one. Even the executives attempt to take everything they can from their company and its shareholders. They give themselves going away gifts, called golden parachutes, while everyone else gets golden showers. And this is somehow legal and the role model for corporate executives! Without regulation we will all be working for the company store, in abject poverty. A few fat cats will trickle down pennies to the starving. That’s why there were laws against monopolies. These laws under the guise of “less government” have had their teeth extracted. Lady Justice without teeth gumming the law.

Washington Mutual (WaMu) is a bank that is teetering at the moment. They were successful at offering mortgages with a 1¼ percent “initial” rate (teaser). The actual rate was whatever the going rate was, somewhere in the four to more than five percent range. You can qualify for a much bigger mortgage at the teaser rate then you can at the actual rate, which by the way was adjustable. All you needed to qualify for a refinance was an appraisal and a pulse. As an added bonus, you could choose to pay all your payments at the teaser rate. Of course, that didn’t cover you mortgage payment, so the balance was added to what you owed. This is called negative amortization, though they did not disclose it as such. If you borrowed ninety five percent, you could quickly owe more then the house was worth. This is especially true if the rate adjusts higher, which it did. Now, add to this the fact that houses have dropped substantially in value and you would have a disaster. That’s what we have. And they are wondering why this happened. Blind greed is why.

Why was this allowed, why did WaMu executives even think this was OK? People who can’t qualify, can’t qualify, just as a pig with lipstick is still a pig. Can you imagine a young person who wants to be a pilot being given an F-18 to train in? Of course not, because it is more plane then they can handle. Similarly, if you can only qualify for an illusionary rate of 1¼ percent interest on a home’s value when the non-illusionary rate is 4 times higher, then you have more house then you can handle, dah! Did WaMu executives get huge compensation for what seemed like “successful” loan campaigns, you bet they did. Did they donate to their local organizations (politicians) that oversee, or turned a blind eye to their actions using bank money, yes! Did they lose any of their funds or bonuses for this, no! Did most of us turn a blind eye to this, yes! WaMu is just an example of a free market, without oversight. In an ideal world the oversight would come from within each person. As it stands, we don’t need to consider this possibility at present, do we?

OK, so now what do we do? It is time to recreate our notions of what are correct behaviors. Human reality, it is now clear, will not adjust to our ideal notions. Our thinking it will and did is our arrogance. Can you hear the whistle of the approaching freight train? It is the Humility Express. It is going to take the world for a ride. Clearly, it won’t be pleasurable.

We need to be honest, educate all, tax highly these overpaid executives and other gluttons who reap huge profits at the expense of other. And forfeiture, penalties and jail time is proper for those that created this, manipulated for and profited by our present situations, and there are many. We are all responsible and we must all make it right. The actual dynamics of how we do this will have to be reasoned out.  No question we need the teeth put back in our laws and judicial system that have been removed. But definitely no more lies, no more smoke and mirror illusions. Greed and gluttony must be seen not as admirable, but reprehensible. Who we are being as human being must be a top priority and not seen as irrelevant as long as we’re winning. We need to look clearly at what we have chosen to believe as truth that was self-serving, and the truth will set us free.