David G. Eigen, Ph.D. ™

It has almost become expected, “who will be the next cheating male celebrity-politician-sports star-media talent to be exposed?” Without question the cheaters broke their vows and this is unacceptable, especially for our “role models.”

However, I find it funny, that the women they cheated with, even when they show themselves to be clearly calculating, gold-digging, heartless whores are mostly overlooked. Oh sorry, that’s right, we do want to see what they look like, but who they are as humans, and what part they played is unimportant. We squawk about them if the wives are prettier, “How could he when he has such a pretty wife?” Now, that is worth talking about! But the fact that she is a totally unrepentant home-wrecker goes unsaid, as if it is expected of women. And it is. Maybe it is because women are innocent, childlike, and cannot be held responsible? Or are all these women just innocent victims seduced by the evil male sex fiends? We all know it is always the man’s fault and they are all sex fiends. Or is it just that a woman is not responsible for her actions, being after all, chaotic emotionality, which they cannot control, so we just don’t expect them to?

In the not too distant past women were treated like children, or worse, property. I believe this set the tone for modern day women in establishing the very behaviors I’ve mentioned above. Underlying all these obviously ignored actions the mistresses played-out in these now public affairs is an assumption that all women are just this way.

This is demeaning to women, and becomes their self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, the men were wrong, but so were the women participants. And in most cases, the women were at least as culpable. Many of these women threw themselves at the men knowing they were married. Yes, the men can and should say no. But let’s face it, the men, especially those on the road, are lonely, are told by their training as men they should want sex at every opportunity, and are easily enticed. In a perfect world they would just say no. That didn’t work for drugs and the present prospects for it working for men are not too promising. This may change in the future, but for now, we better work with what we have, men who are taught that their sexuality is a measure of their masculinity and who have become addicted to sex. And women know how easily men are manipulated by stroking their macho egos and other places.

OK, my point is stop making men responsible for all wrongs, and let the women step-up and share responsibility for what didn’t work. Understanding why all parties do what they do is critical. Otherwise, we will never get away from finger pointing. In one of my blog articles Why Men Leave their Children a reader commented on how her husband left the country for work for one year, but two and a half years later has not returned. She didn’t mention why she didn’t go with him, but had a lot to say as to what a bastard he was.

Here is my response to her that I felt pertinent enough to print here:

First, I feel your rage and your pain. I can relate fully. We humans do unbelievable things to each other, and blind ourselves to the consequences. That is no excuse for the blindness, just an understanding. What’s the use of understanding? We can use it to see the why. How could they do what they do? We can use it to look deeper into the other person, and perhaps explore how they’ve “become trapped in a past that doesn’t let them choose” (Sarah McLachlan, I Will Remember You). YES, I hear you shouting in reply, “Horse… they can choose.” My dear Kim, we live in a world trapped by its own perceptions and deceits. To the world, there are no choices. And you’re right these are illusions, but powerful ones. The only choice for you is to understand this, stand in your truth, and stand firm that others should also. But without the understanding, you will never be able to create the change you so deeply desire, nor to inspire others to have the courage to change what so deeply needs changing. Demands and blame just shut others down. Been there, done that. One last thing, what are you or were you pretending not to know because you wanted to believe? Been there, done that too, don’t like it. Sounds like your husband found someone else and is guilty about it. Your understandable demand for him to return just makes him feel guiltier and he withdraws further. This is painful I know. I can’t lessen that for you. I doubt he went away planning on finding someone else, but he did. Time to let go and move on. If you ram down his throat “I thought you were a G-d damn loving father,” which says he is a liar, bad father and husband, all that will happen is you will drive him away further from his daughters out of your anger. Also, why did you not move with him on his job relocation? He was left alone for a year and you are surprised someone else wanted him?

Today, there is a growing sentiment that is anti-Valentine’s Day. One reason is the blatant commercialism, which I agree misses the point. However, most don’t understand what Valentine’s Day can and should mean. Simple, it is a time to remind us to honor others that are important to our hearts, minds, and most importantly souls. Read The Importance of Importance for more.

Many think that if you get the correct gift that fits your expectations, then all will be OK. I wish that were true, but it’s not. This leaves many that received what they wanted and expected, feeling vaguely unsettled. They just can’t quite put their finger on why, “Yes, I got the red roses I wanted, but something is not right.” Perhaps the giver will be blamed for wearing the wrong color shirt, or lack of candles. Some fault will be found. Bottom line, you didn’t do it quite right, again! And that proves to the receiver that they are not important to you. Of course, this is their issue, which shows an underlying distrust based in a lack of self-worth.  And you are an inconsiderate lout, who doesn’t care for anyone but themselves! If you’re in a relationship like this, get a blow-up doll, you’ll fair better.

Now, the question is what does the other person really need that is not necessarily what they want? They need to feel important, seen, cared about, honored, and appreciated. Unfortunately, they have often created structures to weigh and measure what they receive based on their ever changing mood, wants and desires (ego-centric). How can one ever be sure they are communicating their intent? You can’t. You can however minimize the effects of ego by communicating.

First, communicate with your partner in advance about what they consider important. I made the “mistake” once of gifting hybrid yellow/orange roses. The recipient had the preconceived notion that this meant I was “unsure.” For her, only red rose would express love. Ask specific questions about what your lover’s needs, wants, and expectations are.

Second, tell them that the intent of your humble gift is to express how important they are to you. Feel it first and say it with all seriousness. This is really what they need. If you have a partner that needs diamonds to feel this, find a hooker, they’re cheaper and at least honest about what they are.

Ladies, honor your men for what they do right, let them know you see them and their efforts. Discuss at another time what doesn’t work for you, and if it is unworkable, move on.

When we accomplish a real communication about mutual importance and love, and allow this to be the basis of our relationships we move to a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. Then, you both can celebrate the true meaning of Valentine’s Day, soul connection.

Is it them or me that is mixed-up? It’s painful to watch them shoot themselves in the foot. And there are so many others like them. Distracting sex addiction run rampant leaving a path of broken vows, collateral damage, and self-destruction. Horrifying! I have spoken about men being taught to replace emotions with sex in the previous article, Why Men Cheat, which becomes their addictions. Women know and use this all the time as part of their addictions to attention and material desires. Men seeing this, know women can be bought with ease, and buy they do. Most of our presidents have “partaken,” to the point we should be honest and open an Office of Presidential Satisfaction. The line for applicants would stretch for blocks with a unending supply of new faces. I want my president happily satisfied. Political marriages are obviously not satisfying, and even if they were, which they’re not, would the men resist the pussycats thrown in their faces? Should they?

Just as horrifying is the long list of willing whores who “diss” their sisters, attempt to steal other’s men away, or at least use them for their own aggrandizement, irrespective of the damage it causes. What are we coming to? A society of whores, male and female, political, media, banking, Wall Street, legal, religious. Anything for a buck, or is a Yuen? “Who cares as long as I’ve got it.”

We all play a part. Through the lies that we swear to thing we know are not true trying to create saleable illusions. We have become a world of self-involved liars wanting immediate gratification at any cost, to others that is. We laugh at and feel superior to those whose lies have been exposed, but continue to turn a blind eye to our own. So the answer is simple – Live in the Truth. Um, simple? Easier said then done is more like it. So what will it take to affect this shift in humankind’s consciousness?

Humanity must agree to the truth, the whole truth, so help us God. No, governmental leaders are not immune, nor corporate or religious leaders either, nobody is. All must agree to mutually supporting the truth by demanding the truth, being truthful, and being willing to call a lie, a lie, even if it is your boss. That takes huge courage and must be supported by others and rewarded by the organizations. Whistle blower being honored, can you imagine that? The darkness of gluttony is a lie to our souls. It means doing anything to accumulate, without an iota of care for others. Let it trickle down (my leg) to them. Of course, we must strangle them off first, so they will accept the trickling. That process is well under way today. Inside, the gluttons know this subterfuge, and those being trickled know it too. Those addicted to gluttony try to accumulate more to stave off guilt. That is the nature of addiction. We are all rushing into the depths of hell. Nobody can stop us; it is our right to self-destruction. That’s what sets us apart from the animal kingdom. Animals aren’t as sophisticated, or stupid. Somehow we see this anarchy as freedom. Just another word for nothing left to lose. Insanity.

Look at Edward’s former campaign aide who was willing to lie and take responsibility for fathering Edward’s child, but who quickly saw the dollar signs on the wall and wrote a book about the lies that he was an accomplice to. And then there is the videographer. This was not a teenager who doesn’t know about birth control, this is a forty something manipulative gold-digging whore, plain and simple. She announced with glee how Edwards wanted to see her, but had to stop because his wife found out she was dying of cancer, “but he wanted me!” And she trapped him by becoming and staying pregnant. This dark manipulative aspect of the feminine gets ignored. These behaviors are accepted as normative in women! What the hell is going on, what are we thinking! Besides, it is always men’s fault. It is all too disgusting for words, yet people lap this sort of “news” up. If they judge it in others they can pretend it is not in them. Au contraire.

Rome is collapsing; yet we only care about our next gluttonous eating binge, trip to the vomitorium, then on to the orgy. The slaves won’t mind. Who cares if they do anyway?

Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Restated, this principal psychologically is: those that fail to look at their inner history, their shadows or darkside, are doomed to repeat it. We need to stop blaming the other gender and fix our own ugliness. The purpose of my books: Men – The Gods of Love, and the just released Women – The Goddesses of Wisdom is to help you do just that. What in you stops you from reading them?

It is that time of year again where we express our love, appreciation, and heartfelt connection to others, Valentine’s Day. But what is it we are giving and what is it the other person really wants? Yes, you can give flowers, cards, gifts, wads of money, jewels, e greetings, or anything else that strikes your fancy. But what will strike hers, or his for that matter? What is needed to find its mark, that of making the other know just how important they are?

Here is the perfect scenario: Buy the book, Women – The Goddesses of Wisdom, don’t wrap it, place it on the dinner table with one red rose on it. Make the dinner if you can cook, buy a fancy dinner if not, or take her out. Place the book and rose on her place setting. Candles are important. Tell her, “This is to express how important you are to me.” Say it with all your heart and soul, but before you say it, feel it. And remember everyday what you’ve said, tell her often.

Now, let’s look at some of the factors that may have been confusing. First, realize that what is needed is not always what is wanted. For example, a woman may want red roses, which to her signifies love. There is nothing wrong with roses, but what is it that the flower’s color signifies? She may say it means, “You love me.” If you give another beautiful color does it mean you don’t? Some women will have that expectation, red or nothing. So if you offered the most beautiful roses you ever saw, say a yellow one with exploding shades of deepening orange color, would that be acceptable? To some women it would not. Obviously, their expectations have overridden sense: it is my way, red, or the highway. Better get red in that case.

But what is it that red really means. Surely the color of a beautiful flower cannot express what you do or don’t feel. So what is it that is another person really deep down inside needs to hear to make them feel important? Surely its not, “I got another dozen red roses.”

I used to call my daughters – bosses. “What do you bosses want to do for dinner, or where would you like to go or do?” Does that mean they had the power to boss me around, or were the final arbiters of what our plans were going to be, or the cost of their desires, or the safety of them? Of course not, what it meant was they were important enough to be heard. Their opinions counted. I may or may not have agreed, and much to their chagrin, still do not always give them what they want. But they know they are important enough to be heard. That is what children really need, but to parents who themselves felt invisible, unimportant, it can be difficult to give. Some parents feel they give up their own importance in doing so. On the contrary, we become more important as we make other important. And while doing so we still get to create and enforce boundaries.

What about the people who desire wealth and power? Is their deepest desire to yield unlimited power and wealth, or could it be something else, something deeper? On the surface it will look like wealth and power, and they will tell you it is. They tell themselves the same thing, and by missing the point they poison themselves. They may dream of monuments erected in their names, or the knowledge that their bloodlines survive, preferably with their name intact. No, it is not power wealth they really crave. As children these power hungry people felt invisible, unheard, unwanted, which all boils down to unimportant. “If I have enough wealth, make a big enough splash, or difference that will show I am important. If not, I fear that I am nothing.” That is one of our biggest fears, nothingness, “I don’t matter,”" I am unimportant;” seemingly like a worker bee to the hive, or an ant to the colony. If I am not the queen, I am nothing! We are not insects; don’t think like one. And don’t compare your “level” of importance to another’s. Accept who you are inherently, your soul’s essence, as important enough. Tell others how important they are to you, if they are.

So, now you can see the importance of importance. If you belief roses are red (and violets are blue), so be it, just let others know how important that color is for you to feel important. But know it is the feeling of importance that you are really looking for.

For the giver, be aware of the intended recipient of your gift, what they need to feel important. Ask if you don’t know. However, it is better if you ask yourself, search your feelings and you will most like know what they need to feel important. REMEMBER, women love attention, because it makes them feel seen, visible, and important. Finding what it takes to create this feeling will warm your heart as you see hers sparkle. It you pick wrong, don’t take it personally, just apologize and tell her you were trying, perhaps in your feeble way to tell her how important she is. Then ask what she needs to know she is important. Perhaps you will learn something. And by asking this question she may realize she already has it, but just had minimized it because she was under the spell of ther own expectations. Being hurt and becoming resentful is of no benefit. Remember, you are inherently important and the recipient is to you, so find a way to communicate this. Tell them how important they are to you. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable and say it. It won’t make you more vulnerable if you already feel that way. You will reap huge rewards in doing so.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s that time of year where we all succumb to the parlor game called, “Name That Resolution.” The rest of the year we are busy distracting ourselves with a myriad of structures we’ve created like: over-work, family to the exclusion of all else, over-sexuality, drugs, alcohol, over-eating, smoking, etc. These are just some of our addictions. All addictions are distractions from feelings. We took them on because we were unable or unwilling to deal with the underlying feelings, which we subsequently repressed into our “shadows.”

Then, along comes the “holidays.” It includes too much time to feel those annoying repressed feelings, and of course, we have our families, or the lack of them, to bring up those feelings. All of a sudden we are faced with our inner and outer issues, yuck. So our answer is a resolution to fix it. Magically, the issues we’ve spent years developing, along with the repressed underlying feelings, will just disappear. Poof!!!

Ok, back to reality, its not going to happen. All these resolutions were intended to increase our self-esteem. So we create illusions that ninety percent will fail to achieve. Worse yet, failing to live up to the promises we make to ourselves, lying to ourselves, will lower our self-esteem. Shakespeare said, “To thy own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” If you are not true to yourself, you will never feel all is OK, and there will be no peace within. You will continue to lie to yourself and others, make excuses for them, and remain unfulfilled. The truth is that important.

Now, I am not saying all affirmations are destructive, but poorly thought out, off-the-cuff ones are. And if you are trying to fix an addictive behavior you must be ready, willing, able, and committed to looking at the underlying issues, covered by these addictions, which were selected by you. Otherwise, just have a great New Years and play some other parlor game. Blessings on your New Year no matter what you choose, but I recommend choosing the truth.

Depending on how he likes to play, this could be The Back 9. Of course, I am referring to the recently disclosed nine “mistresses” Tiger has collected. And there will be more. But when is enough, enough? And what was Tiger thinking and where are his morals and integrity? So many questions, so little time. But let’s take a swing at it.

Tiger Woods is a celebrity with too much power and it went to his head. He fits the pattern of men disconnected from their feeling to the point that for them there is never enough. Why? because men can’t feel fulfillment. This is their training and they remain empty inside searching for the next momentary high to fill the void, like the addict they’ve become. In his case, sex addict. And honor among addicts, obviously not. Sacred vows, just words. And worse, he is teaching a whole generation who look up to him as a role model to dishonor themselves. His response, trying to buy his wife’s loyalty, and hiding from the media. By shirking responsibility, he is setting in stone his disregard for honor and integrity. Certainly, Tiger’s role model images has gone down in flames, probably with his marriage.

There are many reasons men cheat (see my previous blog entry – Why Men Cheat for a more in-depth look at this topic). Athletes, celebrities, and people in power have another temptation. They are constantly bombarded by women throwing themselves at them. They are on the road a lot, and it has become normative to accept the solace offered so abundantly. In no way does this make it OK to be out of integrity, dishonoring yourself and your spouse by not keeping your word. Perhaps it explains it to some extent though, without making it correct.

Tiger you better get back to the actual game of golf and being a husband, or be honest, get divorced and partake of the abundance of women that want a sloppy piece of celebrity.

Now, in Tiger’s situation, as in all the cheaters the media has focused on, there is one thing in common, the women. Why are they never really discussed? They profit from their encounters as mistresses – read that whores. But no one seems to think this is abnormal. I think it a sad state of femininity that women will so readily sell out their married sister, without the slightest regret. And they do it so calculatingly. Monica sent home to Mother her semen stained dress, doesn’t every girl do this? And Momma kept it. I’ll bet they still have it. Tiger’s Hoes are looking to cash-in on their saved voice mails, text messages, etc. I am surprised not one of them has come forward with their saved “hard evidence,” like Monica had. I am sure one of them has it. No question, he was the married one, shame on him. But even when married women cheat, a lot. Somehow its not nearly as big a deal. It is as though it is either unimportant that women do this, or accepted as the norm, almost expected. I will leave this up to you to think about, but it does still take two to tango.

Last thought, I just heard about another former lover from prior to his marriage. She is trying to protect her identity. She dumped the Woodsman awhile back when she heard through the media that he got married. Kudos to her, an honest woman in a sea of dishonesty. I wish she would come forward so we could have a role model for women.

We are all suffering from the effects of the “credit crunch.” We saw the same thing in the mid-eighties, but with prohibitive interest rates. Thank God that is not happening now. But clearly we have not really learned a thing from the past, so we are doomed to repeat it as the saying goes.

Here is the scenario that’s playing out:
Bank officers want huge unearned salaries (greed). They think they earned them and will take “bailout” money without conscience and put it in their pockets. After all, the deserve it. They create products to sell that make no sense, like loans to those that can’t afford them (stupidity), but they succeed in writing this business and selling them off. This makes their institutions bottom-line look good temporarily, but creates huge liabilities that they conveniently ignore. The greed-mongers use these products to justify obscene bonus for themselves. And they are the ones that vote for their raises and bonuses.

Then the liabilities raise their ugly heads and bite everyone in the butt, but the officers have already run off with their loot (criminal, but rarely prosecuted). The stockholders and the public then pay to save the failed institution (more stupidity). We’ve seen this time and time again and there is a solution besides the guillotine, which is not a bad idea. Simply, a law that restricts combined salaries, benefits, and bonuses to a maximum of five or ten million dollars, unless approved by vote by all the stockholders. Fifty percent of stockholders would be needed for added compensation up to one hundred percent of base salary and bonuses. A seventy five percent approval would be needed for more then one hundred percent. This should be all it takes to prevent the debacle from reoccurring. You want a hundred million dollar bonus, great, get your stockholders to agree with that level of gluttony being justified. If not you’ll just have to panhandle with your barely above poverty level multimillion-dollar salary. Does that sound like I lack compassion for the plight of the execs? As their heads roll-off the block I just might feel something.

Ultimate greed, thy name is banker:
Now that the excrement has hit the fan, what do the banks do, return to common sense lending? No, they move to the opposite extreme, closing down the credit markets. Now, no one has credit, viable businesses shut down, and the economy comes to a rapid halt. BRILLIANT! Forget the extremist Muslims, and anyone else that wants to destroy this country. All they can do is exacerbate the situation. We will destroy ourselves! The gambit called unbridled capitalism is shown as the gluttonous stupidity it is. We cannot allow “free market capitalism” free rein. We cannot allow corporate execs to steer their companies in ruinous actions, while allowing them to rape their companies, grabbing large payouts. Gone are the days of loyalty to the longevity of the company. All that is left is unbridled shortsighted greed.

While this is going on we must beware of who buys our politicians, and who therefore influences rulemaking. Why it is the very corporations, directed by their execs that got the government to turn a blind eye to the unbridled debauchery that has destroyed our country. We must wake up, we’ve allowed all this through our complacency; it will not go away.

In conclusion the credit market must reopen immediately. Not as it was, a free-for-all, but not strangling everyone either. No doc mortgages with excellent credit, why not have them, but make sure there are severe penalties for lying and require accurate appraisals. The subprime market, only part of our economic issues, was nothing more then lending to those who clearly could not repay and did not have the credit worthiness that showed they would. Clearly it was a formula for foreclosure. But why has it affected everyone else. The concept of thesis, moving to antithesis, is supposed to balance out to synthesis, not return to thesis again, only to repeat. Yet, this is what we’ve seen.

Solution: Open up the credit markets again and arrest the thieves who looted their companies! Beheading their attorneys who protect them and showed them how to do this while avoiding prosecution is not a bad idea either.

The Fort Hood shooting was just the beginning. There was a planned mall-shooting in Massachusetts that was foiled by authorities. But guaranteed the Jihadists will be bringing their flavor of insanity to our doorsteps. The shooter at Fort Hood may have been a sleeper agent, or maybe just following the extremist dictates of the suicide attacks he championed. And NO, Iran’s nuclear enrichment program is not for peaceful purposes. Keep reading; don’t put your heads back in the sand. All that does is leave your posterior exposed.

How is this insanity possible, how could they do such a think you ask? These are the very folks that send in their children to act as suicide bombers in the name of a loving G-D. They have SAID REPEATEDLY that their only intent is to create WAR against what they call the great Satan: the U.S. and Israel. And they believe it their G-D given heritage to rule the world and kill anyone that disagrees (remember Hitler). But we think them petulant children that through talking will come to their senses. Who is crazy, them for their plans, or us for entertaining their lies about peaceful intentions? If you think this unrealistic, start learning Muslim prayers, they plan for you to need it.

We do not understand their way of thinking. We project our belief system onto them. They must want peace, right? Wrong, and dead wrong is what we will be if we don’t decisively act now. They see talking as our weakness and use this “talking time” to build their weapons and make plans for our destruction. They have said this, but we didn’t listen. So when they say, “let’s talk,” we listen only because it is what we want to hear. It has nothing to do with reality.

NOTE TO MUSLIMS WORLDWIDE: I must give a strong warning to the average moderate peace loving Muslim. Look to Germany in the 1920-30s. An extremist named Adolf Hitler preached superiority and arrogance, but was not taken seriously. That is, not until it was too late for the German people who were forced at the point of a gun to join in or die. And tens of millions died in WWII because he wasn’t taken seriously. You look the other way at these Imams and Mullahs that are preaching our destruction. You think they are just venting their anger and will go away and all will be OK? The Nazis proved otherwise and you will be sucked into their insanity, like it or not. So rise up now and stop them. Otherwise you will be seen as part of the problem. This process has clearly already started. Please stop it now before it is too late. I don’t want mass extinction, yet that seems inevitable unless we all wake up. Yes, I am saying do all that is necessary to put an end to these agents of the trickster (Satan). They cannot be reasoned with.

Let’s go back to where the problem started. President Jimmy Carter’s misguided “weak loving” intent to talk. He allowed Iran’s take-over of US sovereign territory, our embassy, decades ago and the ensuing hostage situation lasted for 444 days. What it showed the Jihadists is that we are weak. They can spit in our faces, dishonor us, ignore international laws, and all we will do is talk about it. Allow me to draw a parallel, as a parent I understand that talking to my children is very important, but there comes a time where a good whack on their posteriors is needed. We can look around the country and see kids out of control, who never received the loving guidance they needed. Tough love is what I am speaking of. If not guided they join gangs, do ridiculous things that cross all boundaries, because we failed to guide them or set boundaries as parents. Tough love is not fun, easy, or pleasant, but is an important part of love. Unfortunately, tough love has been labeled politically incorrect. The Jihadists needed the same guidance on an adult level. We are now past that point, but no one in government has the stomach for what is needed.

Two things must be done now or the death toll will be in the millions. Yes, I said millions!

First, bomb repeatedly all the sites where uranium enrichment plants have been built in Iran. Bush didn’t have the stomach; Obama wants to talk them to death like Carter. Europe has consistently shown its lack of stomach and sold Iran the technology to create these weapons in the first place.  Before WWII the Europeans even agreed to sacrifice whole countries like Poland hoping to stave of the inevitable. Death was the outcome. That devouring monster is rolling again, but we don’t want to get involved, even when we are told we are the targets; we bury our heads in the sand and hope it goes away. Health-care is Obama’s focus, what’s the sense if most are dead? Talking with rabid monsters only legitimizes them. But the big thing we can’t seem to fathom is they are taught that dying for the cause brings them rewards in heaven. Blow yourself and others up for the cause and you will be rewarded for eternity is their lie, a dangerous lie.

The second thing is simple. It would have ended the war in Iraq years ago, but everyone is afraid of Jihad, which IS coming anyway. We know who the people are that promote these actions. They hide behind their robes as clerics, men of G-D they proclaim. Men-of-Satan is their true title and they must be stopped, dead. Nothing short of this will work. The Muslims understand force and they see how weak we are. Our soldiers pay the price and we have started too also. And more is coming! Talking does not work with arrogant extremists, who believe they know G-D’s wishes. We are afraid to bomb Mosques, yet these are used as recruitment and operation centers, bases and storage depots for their terrorist activities. They use hospitals and ambulances for these ends too. We can’t understand this because our minds have been blinded by our attempts at political correctness. This is a cancer that is spreading and will kill us, that is it’s intent.

Words for the Martyrs of the Jihad: The trickster is guiding you and your arrogance is your downfall. He will not keep his word, read the Koran, Abraham 14:22. You WILL get your seventy-two servile virgins. But they will be virgin swine and you will service them for eternity in the fires of hell. That is what the trickster will deliver to the fools that follow his trickery.

Why do men cheat? This is not to say women don’t, but why do men do it? Can it be prevented?

First, here are a number of possibilities why:
1. ADDICTION. As I have said in my book Men – The Gods of Love, sex has been taught men as a replacement for all the disallowed emotions. “Big boys don’t cry”, and are shamed if they do, or if they express any sort of feelings perceived as weak. Yet, all men have all feelings, so sex becomes the surrogate for everything they need, including a simple hug and encouragement. Understanding this explains why sex is so important for men and becomes an addiction for many men. Addictions are simply any behavior that replaces or distracts one from feeling any feeling. So even if the partner is perfect, if he can’t feel and express his feelings, he cannot accept in the love and will never feel fulfilled. Then he will look to fill his inner emptiness with outer fulfillment, read that SEX. Of course, this won’t work, so he will try harder, with different partners. He is doomed to fail, as any addiction will ultimately fail. This is the essence of the addiction.
2. Opportunity. There is a saying “men are only as faithful as their options.” Men don’t get offered sex as often as women, so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down. This does not excuse their lack of courage and integrity. Men can just simply say, “no thank you.” Also, what sort of woman would sleep with a man in relationship? Do you really want this in your life? She will do it again.
3. Ego boost. If men no longer feel attractive to the opposite sex and a woman shows interest in them, they may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There is a thrill in being chased and it means one is desirable. This swells the egos often expressed sexually. It also may be a way to attempt to gain back any lost vitality and youth. Like a drug any “gains” dissipate rapidly. (See #1)
4. Grown apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him, whether it is football, golf, or is just more fun and is seemingly interested in him, not the role as partner he plays. This too is an illusion for both. Compatibly under the sheets comes into play here too. But underlying all this is their connection has been shown to be more act than fact. Their roles are no longer fulfilling for either.
5. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly bitching about something? Especially when there is an appreciative partner in the wings. Why are you bitching anyway? Find ways to create what is needed. Bitching just sucks the energy from a man. He is being shamed as not doing it right, again. Does this sound positive or conducive to relationship building to you?
6. Fallen out of love. Sometimes, people become comfortable in an unfulfilling relationship. They don’t know how to get out of it and don’t want to leave their “comfort zone.” They may stay in the relationship because of children or financial reasons; or simply because they said they would, keeping their word. These men still feel like they are missing out on something, some exciting feeling, love perhaps, and they seek it elsewhere. In their minds, this is as close to win-win as they can get. They are keeping their word – partially, while getting what they think they need.
7. Your sex life has died. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you got him, does not mean you stop giving to him. It takes an effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring, or non-existent. Yet, this is not uncommon. Both partners need to be open and communicate about this.
8. Exploration. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try. This is trying to fill a void with something that will never fill it. Also, trying new things is not wrong, but not honorable if outside of a committed relationship. Men, if you are not honorable, you’ll feel it deep inside, like it or not, and it WILL affect your self-esteem. As a result, any goodness you experience will be rejected on the inside, because you feel dirty about how you got it. You then may try to experiment more to fill that void and this only lower your self-esteem further. It’s a viscous cycle (See #1). Always keep your word. If its not working, say so, take honorable action to correct what isn’t. Then, if this fails, end it and move on cleanly.
9. Revenge. Men and women sometimes cheat if they find out their partners were cheating on them, or are withholding from them. How else are they supposed to heal those hurt feelings, but through good old-fashioned sex? Of course, this heals nothing, but at least explains their “logic.”
10. New, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try tuna. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners, just different. This newness is exciting and he may feel his vitality is supported in this way. This is symptomatic of a dull but comfortable relationship or sex addiction. Both partners need to take action to find out what’s missing. Communication is key here.
11. Rebellion against authoritative rules. If a man has a rebellious attitude, he may cheat to see if he can get away with it, while thinking “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” He enjoys the thrill of “forbidden fruit” (See #1) and feels a taste of something different is a good thing. If his relationship is satisfying, then he needs to work on what he has come to believe that makes cheating OK, it’s not. Otherwise, he will never feel it’s enough. He must deal with his issues and blocks.
12. Enabling. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again, because you’ve communicated that cheating is OK. If it’s not, then take appropriate action, and if forgiveness is in the cards, remember, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” Trust but verify. If you can’t trust him, then don’t think the leopard will change his spots. For some, like many political or trophy wives, this is a part of the bargain. If it’s not working renegotiate you bargain. Try a real relationship.

Preventing cheating is usually a lot easier than most imagine. But it takes work to know a man. Most women are shocked when they find out their man has cheated. I have spoken with many and when I asked them about their man and his needs, it came down to they didn’t know – and weren’t looking. It was all about them and the fairytale they viewed how their life was supposed to be. This does not make what he did right, but sheds new light on why he continues, and what role she played in creating his wandering urges. He felt ignored, unseen. His needs, his soul went unacknowledged. He was a bit part player in her play. His commitment became a casualty of the play. Neither knew how to be in relationship. If you find yourself in this situation, time to wake up, work with a therapist, join a group that deals with relationships, and absolutely get my books.

A well-loved man won’t stray, why would he? So find out what’s missing in you, your relationship and him. Then talk about it. If he won’t, it may be time to move on, but tell him this is the only option you see left, ask him again to communicate with you because you love him and want to keep the relationship. Maybe you will get him to talk. But remember, you can lead a horse to water…

Everything is a relationship, or lack of one. Relationships are the cornerstones of anything long-term. Your most important relationships are the ones that affected you the most, to the core. What are their hallmarks? Real relationships include being cared about, believed in, mutually. For example: Did your best boss, or teacher, or mentor care and believe in you? The answer is of course, yes, and you felt it too, didn’t you? And you cared about and believed in them in return. This mutual connection of caring and believing in was THE main ingredient, without which no real relationship would have been possible.

This is the secret key to all relationships; being believed in and cared about, not just seen as being “useful.” This is never more important than in a romantic relationship and yet mostly ignored. When a woman feels her man wants her only for sex and to do chores, her soul feels invisible, she feels unimportant, of little value. She resents this and it lessens her. When a man is seen as the stereotypical hero, protector, provider who takes out the garbage, but his essence is not seen, cared about or valued, he feels of little value. He resents and is lessened too. The barter system that has replaced sacred union in many marriages illustrates this.

While the above is clear, what is not clear is that all long-term real relationships are based in the same principals. This includes employer-employee, provider-client, apartment resident-doorman, etc. It doesn’t matter. Even if you remember the smallest personal detail about this person and ask about it indicates they as a human being have importance to you. Remembering a persons name is a good one that I struggle with personally. When I can’t remember, I make sure somehow by mentioning some detail that I do remember to show they are not taken for granted. I use word association to improve my retention and repeat their names when I meet them. Why, because they are important as human beings.

The words we commonly apply to important business relationships include: trust, caring, respect, mutuality, and win-win. These all are a part of creating good solid business relationships. The words we apply to personal relationships include: caring, intimacy, love, passion, fun, and exciting. By the way, intimacy does not mean sex, but a close, familiar, vulnerable relationship with another person or group (in-to-me-see). Here is where our thinking processes are in error; we created a distinction where there is none. Business and personal relationships’ qualities are not mutually exclusive. It is when we separate them that we deny others and our own essential humanness, because it is easier. Relationships require work.

We have become a society that worships the god of easier, laziness. We produce little and want a lot. This is our downfall. Easier means others get to do the hard work. The Chinese have agreed to be our Coolies and now own a substantial portion of our assets. This is the affect of the disease of easier. We have relegated others into transactional associations with us. This allows us not to care. Wall Street has always been about individual profit at the expense of others. Banks that charge ridiculous interest rates are another. Easier and its close cousin, gluttony are readily evident.

A transactional “relationship” is really just an interaction devoid of relationship. In a corporation we can see it in departments that hate each other. There is a complete lack of respect and understanding of the underlying relationships that is at cause. A great example is the department that all love to hate, the so-called Human Relations Department. Inhuman is more like it. Yet, they are not to blame. It is leadership that is. The buck stops there for a reason. They set the tone; they create the proper behavior models. And remember, most executives nowadays are almost exclusively interested in their “compensation packages.” How they get it, or how it affects the company as a whole, which includes the “underlings,” is not their concern.

I recently spoke on the above topic at an event of mostly business owners and afterwards an attendee came up to me and said, “My wife came to me when the economy went sour and said, ‘we have enough money, do not lay off a single person’.” He said he agreed with her and didn’t let anyone go. This says volumes about his loyalty, his caring for his employees. He will reap the benefits, as will his employees. Yet, in corporate America, we send in “efficiency experts” to slash what is seen as a “bloated” workforce. It is now about getting the work of three from one worker who is terrified of losing a job. The long-term effects will be disastrous. Our industries will continue to produce a declining product, because management and the shareholders want short-term profits. The bloat is mostly at the top. Limiting bonuses and incentives would be a great start, voluntarily would be ideal. The essence of this executive problem is covered in my previous article Failure of Corporate Culture, but it boils down to egocentric greed. These scenarios are all possible because transactional interactions have replaced human relationships.

We have come to the time were we are faced with the choice between what is right and what is easy. Essentially, it’s all about easy money versus correct behavior. Easy money has always held an attraction and in the past forty years it seems the pendulum swung heavily in favor of easy. The effects on our world are quite evident, we’ve shot ourselves in the foot, and nothing is easy anymore. Time to make new choices, earn real rewards, and create real things. Speculation to make a quick buck is parasitic in the long-term. Start building real relationships today.

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