David G. Eigen, Ph.D. ™

It was recently pointed out to me that all of the Wall Street people in the news, the bankers of failing banks, the AIG greed mongers, were not only wrong, but male. This was applied in general to men in government that thought that business would behave as good citizens and balance out business and social needs for the good of all. That some of the whistle blowers were reportedly women was also mentioned. The speaker’s conclusion was that it was testosterone that was behind it all.

Two Cambridge University researchers John Coates and Jim Herbert have written about irrational market trading with too much testosterone. They “have found that market fluctuations affect — and may be affected by — hormones associated with stress, sexual development and aggression. High levels of testosterone in the morning predicted higher profits that day. If people want to get practical, it would be good for both banks and the financial system as a whole if we had more women and older men in the markets. The findings could dramatically rewrite the way economists model human behavior when it comes to financial decisions. If there’s a biological element to financial life, we have to start building different kinds of models and thinking about policy in a different way. It’s proof to me we’re dealing with a biological organism rather than a computer.”

I once worked with a transgendered person, male to female, who said he/she had figured out the problems of the world, and that it was testosterone. His/her way of dealing with it was to excise the demon by having “it cut off.”

OK, so following all the above “logic,” the solution to the world’s problems might be the castrating of all males. Ah-hmmm! Clearing my throat, I have a different idea to offer, one based on my understanding of the male that I clearly outlined in my book, Men-The Gods of Love.

First, allow me to make an analogy, a poor one at that. Guns are inanimate objects and they don’t do anything including kill people in and of themselves. It takes people to kill people using a gun. This is indisputable. The same is true of knifes, bows and arrows, spears, sticks and stones, and bare hands. Used to hunt, defend and protect they have positive uses. Used by people, who are admittedly mostly men, they can also be used for less than desirable purposes.

Now, let’s look at testosterone. It wasn’t forged by man like a gun, it isn’t a tool, it is a hormone created in perfection by God, the universal intelligence, or whatever you prefer to call the force behind the creation of all things. That makes it sacred.

Alright then you may think, if testosterone is so perfect and sacred, what the hell are all these men doing and why? Excellent questions!

It all starts for men with the prohibition “big boys don’t cry,” and continues throughout life where men are taught the patriarchal dictates that prohibit feelings (accept for anger). Don’t cry, show your scared, or feeling alone, hurt, or powerless; suck it up, be a man (of the unfeeling macho type). This is men’s training worldwide. This disconnects men from their feelings, creating a dissociative state in them. Men are told it is wrong, weak, and shameful to have human feelings. It messes men up severely, handicapping them. They are trying to be “men” for their women and this training teaches them to repress the very feelings that are the underpinning of love and relationship. These denied feelings are also what create in men their inspirational creative abilities. Feelings are also a part of conscience. Repressed, men’s feelings explode out as rage and the repression limits their ability to empathize, be compassionate and considerate. So, it is the testosterone driven force in men, or a gun for that matter, when used without feelings and conscience, that is the cause of such unwanted behaviors. And it clearly leads to disastrous consequences. The above researchers draw a conclusion that we are working with a “biological organism, not a computer.” No, we are dealing with human souls twisted by mentalist dictates.

Feelings have been excised in men and this is what fails to direct and guide the driving force in men. It is not men in the previously mentioned cases, but how they have been brought up, trained to be, that is at cause. It is time to allow men to express feeling in a masculine way. This is not as easy as you might think. Men have for eons been taught feelings are shameful, so how should they express them, like women do? On the whole I would say no, men need to learn how to do this in a masculine way, which does not feminize them. Communications, admitting these feeling to themselves, peers and women are crucial elements.

Step by step men can be guided, or ridiculed as wrong, bad, beasts. Blaming it on testosterone is male-bashing and castrating. If you don’t understand men, then look within them and read my book before you do anything else. Women are not innocent, but they think they are. Passive acceptance of inappropriate behaviors, while receiving their benefits makes women just as culpable. Just ask Mrs. Madoff. She’s not suffering and the thief is protecting her. Here is where change must start. All must recognize their participation in this dynamic and communicate it, create a dialog. Then we must allow change to happen, not by passively wishing it so, but by being an active participant of it.

Emotions are a crucial part of humanness; the gluttonous behaviors mentioned at the beginning of this article are clearly linked to a lack of conscience, empathy, and compassion. It is a completely mental and egocentric strategy at work. It is easy to blame specific things like hormones, or guns. But it’s men’s conditioning that is the root cause. Just like this training diminishes women preventing them from being their true heritage, which is the title of my forthcoming second book, Women-The Gods of Wisdom.

Our present meltdown will be a creative restructuring force and from its ashes the Phoenix will rise. What do you choose that Phoenix to look like? What are you willing to change within yourself to create this? Men must rise up out of their mental stupors, their constructed realities that say “he who dies with the most toys wins,” or it’s “all about the bottom line.” They must not accept the belief that consequential damages are just a consequence of life and therefore OK. They must become the dynamic and feeling beings they are. Women must rise up out of their stupor, their fairytale of emotions and other illusions, their constructs, and become the embodiment of wisdom needed to guide this world. Teach us all how to bring the wisdom of spirit, into matter.

Stand up and be counted. The stakes are nothing less than the world.

View Talk:  Part I, Part II, Part III

These are difficult and uncertain times for all. Stress is a typical byproduct of change in normal situations. Our times are anything but “normal,” so the possibility for and intensity of stress is dramatically increased. How does this affect relationships? That will depend on the parties involved, but obviously it has the potential to be disastrous.

So how do we handle these trying predicaments to create and encourage deeper connection? How do we support relationships that are hurting, stressed-out, in danger of failing apart? We need to go back to basics, relationship 101, that most skipped, or slept through, or were secretly afraid of.

Let’s refresh these principals. The basics are openness, communication, honestly, and love. Love is the foundation naturally, but love alone is not nearly enough. “How do I love thee, let me count the ways,” is great as the foundation for connection, but it is ego-centric, being about “how I feel,” not the give-and-take, the dance of relationship. When I was young I used to dance freestyle, now I only partner dance (ballroom). You may ask what this has to do with relationships; an understandable question. The answer is—a relationship is a partner dance. When I was young I didn’t know how to dance with a partner, so I “freestyle” danced. I had “one-night stands” too. They were distracting, fun, but ultimately unfulfilling. I did not want to commit to a relationship as truth be told, I was afraid and didn’t understand how. Men are accused by women of fearing commitment. That’s because men are not as indoctrinated as women in the relationship models represented in fairytales. Women seem to know exactly what it takes and if men would only play-out their assigned roles as princes, all would be good—or so the princesses think. From the success rates around us, men and women rightfully fear entering something they don’t know how to do. I had no real understanding what a relationship inherently took to make it work. I have a better understanding now. Allow me to share what I have experienced and learned.

First, stop freestyling. That is the secret. You will have to learn how to partner dance. You will need to let go of the ego-centric illusions of me-me-me, and move into—us. Not us as it serves me, but us as we serve each other.

What does it take? Communication is primary, but communicate what? Most communicate what they want, desire, and are not getting enough of. Being in service to each other is not usually included and may never have been. And also mutual attempts to serve may have been missed by the other party. Communication would help both understand these attempts. Now, here is the big one, especially in our times, we must communicate all that we feel like: our fears, uncertainties; as well as thoughts like: how are we going to make it, I feel like a failure, and am angry at the world for wrongs it has done to me, etc. This is more difficult for men, who have been taught to “suck it up,” be a man, don’t show your fears, or you will be judged as weak, inferior and undesirable (unlovable). Women need to understand this and be open to helping a willing man to access these feeling. If he is not willing, is hunkered down in his bunker, you will need gobs of understanding and patience. Trying times will make it more difficult for him to face his fear of being a failure, as he as a man is supposed to be the strong one for his woman. He fears he will let her down by admitting his fear. He also fears she will look for a stronger rock, better provider. This is not an impossible scenario, is it? Now you can better understand his fear, feelings of vulnerability, and lack of communications. This does not excuse it, only shines the light of understanding on the actions of men that many women have expressed objection to. Read MEN-THE GODS OF LOVE FOR MORE.

Importantly, the secret to communicating that most don’t understand, more so men, is that by honestly sharing these deepest darkest emotions, they don’t become true, they actually lose their charge, becoming easier to bear. This is because emotions that are held in, repressed, are negatively energized by the act of repression. Releasing them releases the charge. Then life can be dealt with more easily.

OK, so now let’s get back to today. Many are losing or have lost jobs, homes, retirements, savings, etc. The word depression looms in our minds, yet is treated like the pink elephant that no one wants to talk about. I know, I feel it too. So what do we do? We communicate and support each other no matter what economic hurricane hits. It too will pass. We acknowledge with gratitude our divine spirits that enables us to connect. We must tend this like a gardener, with the fertilizer of love, truth and communication. We don’t give up on us, even if we have to give up on certain material things. We continue to love, grow, and evolve even in adversity with mutual support. We seek new pathways of creation, new ways of doing things, while we acknowledge how we blindly choose to be led astray. Out of the fires the phoenix WILL BE REBORN. This I promise. Feel it inside, you know it too. Blessing to us all as we walk the hot coals.