David G. Eigen, Ph.D. ™

Conversation on women’s changing roles as bigger bread winners and changing gender roles.

Listen: WBNW 1-20-10

RI# 210

Interview subject will be Valentine’s Day and Dr. Eigen’s new book Women-The Goddesses of Wisdom.

Listen: UNAVAILABLE

RI# 209

Discussion on Dr. Eigen’s books and holiday stress.  The host is Mike Schikman

RI #159

KFMA in Tuscon, AZ interview on women’s desires and why they like vampires.

Listen: kfma-10-20-09

RI#155

Interview in Greenville, SC on women’s want and why they like Vampires.

Listen: WTPT-10-19-09

RI #154

This may seem harsh, please don’t take it personally. Look past any reaction you may have to see if there is truth contained herein. You may know that my second book, Women-The Gods of Wisdom is nearing completion. From its title you can see what I think is women’s heritage, not who they are being. This is exactly the case for men in my first book, Men-The Gods of Love, again, not who they are being, but who they can be. This article follows the previous article I wrote called Testosterone as Scapegoat. In it I referred to women blaming the world’s problems on Testosterone.

Well, I thought of another idea, if testosterone is considered by some as a causal factor for men’s conscienceless behaviors, perhaps we can also consider estrogen as being also a casual factor for women’s less than perfect behaviors. If women blame everything on men, then they don’t have to look at themselves, their part in life’s dance or accept responsibilities for what they create.

Elements of women’s part in the dance of life and relationships include:
1. The plans they are conditioned to construct about how life is supposed to look and what they choose to overlook.
2. The expectation for men to follow along with their plan about how life should look, which includes an assumption that men know what their plans are, no less agree.
3. The consequences their actions have on themselves, their mates, offspring, friends, and the world.
4. “To be or not to be,” responsible that is.

Women are taught by the patriarchal group role model to think their thoughts are not equal to a man’s, and direct in your face expression (like this piece) is considered allowable only for men. Of course, this is nonsense, but not untrue. However, women develop brilliant ways of manipulating to get what they want, which shows their innate intelligence. Unfortunately, what women have developed, which they are blind to, is their own belief systems, concurrent actions, and their consequences. They don’t see themselves in the mirror, only the illusion of self they created. “Mirror, mirror on the wall…” and “don’t tell me anything I don’t want to know.” One of these behaviors is learning to avoid responsibility like a stealthily Ninja. In Billy Joel’s song, he says “she cannot be convicted; she’s earned her degree, but the most she will do is throw shadows at you, but She’s Always a Women for Me.” This refers to the ability to dodge or shift responsibility, refocusing the negative on others.

I have never heard a man say that he doesn’t trust men. What I have heard from many women is that they don’t trust other women. I asked a number of women to describe their experiences with other women.

Here is what women have said about women:
1. They’re smiling faced backstabbers.
2. They will say anything to get what they want, no matter who they hurt.
3. They’re home wreckers. It’s interesting to note then when a man is unfaithful, with who is not really important; it’s the man’s fault. Women will go after another women’s man without blinking an eye, and get away with it. Somehow that is acceptable.
4. Drama Queens who play the lead, director, and producer in the dramatic production, their life.
5. They’re competitive, in a destructive fashion. Winning not by excelling, but by destroying the competition, who could even be a friend.
6. They’re hypocritical, having differing standards for others they don’t need to follow.
7. They can be intentionally mean, belittling, and petty.
8. They can be fake. Pretending to be something they’re not.

These women gave me the following reasons they believe causes women to behave in the above manners: insecurity, jealousy, fear of unknown, fear of being different, fear of being ordinary (invisible), neediness, and the fear of being alone.

Why do they behave in these ways? Because their conditioning teaches beliefs that lead to these behaviors. Directness, a male characteristic, is called unfeminine. “A woman must be sweet and pretty to be liked,” and “sugar and spice and everything nice” are some of the dictates given women. This is like the conditioning men receive with “big boys don’t cry.” All these dictate separate parts of our true selves from us. We are the walking wounded, because parts of the whole are considered only acceptable to the other gender. Men are disallowed emotions, becoming unfeeling beings. Women are disallowed reason, becoming chaotic emotional beings.

While the men of Wall Street, the bankers, and others are doing their gluttonous grabbing of the loot without conscience, where are their women? Pretending to be unaware while living the good life and amassing fortunes. Look at Mrs. Madoff the wife of the $50 billion ponzi schemer, just sent to jail. It was recently made public that she received $78 million. And of course all the family property purchased with his looting of anyone he could is hers too. Most likely there are billions stashed away for the family. And she is innocent? Oh, that’s right; it’s the man’s fault, she’s just the wife. Maybe she is totally unaware of husband’s misdeeds. I believe her blindness, if real, is a choice. She didn’t want to know. This is how some women remain in the dark, by choice. It provides a convenient alibi.

Women, it is time to stand up, look in the mirror, not to put on more make-up, but to take it off, and see what is really inside. Then, make a decision if who you are is who you want to be. If so, continue, if not, change, recreate, and educate yourselves. Then, get with your men and ask them to awaken their power, their love/feelings. You know how to motivate them, use this to help them evolve. Recognize that the dance your men are doing includes you. You have an important say in it, more than you may want to admit, and your men need you, and your undeveloped wisdom. Develop it please for the sake of the world.

Men frequently act out roles they’ve learned, find them unfulfilling, and then, seeing no other possibilities, blame women. To men’s continued disappointment, this results in failed relationships. Why? Because men simply don’t know how to behave in partnerships based on feelings. Instead, they are force-fed and accept the stereotype of the fearless macho protector who distrusts and is disconnected from emotions. These men search in vain for fulfilling romantic relationships. They often substitute sex for intimacy, thinking them synonymous, not realizing sex, an aspect of intimacy, requires vulnerability. “Good God, not that!

Women often don’t have a clue about were men come from, but they think they do. “All men want is sex,” being a favorite understanding, a put-down of men. In truth, it is “all men are allowed is sex,” and of course anger. That’s it ladies, all other emotions have be made wrong for men by the patriarchy, with a litany of prohibitions starting with “big boys don’t cry.” Guess who teaches men this? Often, it is their mothers as primary teachers, but also their fathers, peers, and society in general. Who are they taught they are doing this disassociation from feelings for? Women of course! Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

This denial of feelings in men prevents their maturing into full men of the powerful and loving sort. You will find women complaining about men as heartless and unfeeling and then chasing the “bad boys.” This is naturally confusing for both genders. Women want the strong masculine “daddy-like” energy that makes the decisions and therefore becomes the responsible party. That icky responsibility that gets in the way of rampant emotional desires. And women are used to it, and have a perverse sort of comfort with macho men. What they get is not what they thought, or need. Then, they make men out to be wrong or bad.

Men want the “mommy-like” energy that nurtures, supports, guides, but most importantly unconditionally loves and approves of them. If he is plays the immature boy that needs taking care of, she will tire of this and lose the vital energy she needs to feel in order to sustain a relationship. If he plays the macho man who is always in charge, not to be question, but to be followed blindly, she will be inhibited and wind up sucked dry also, just from a different angle. The results are the same. Either way he will never feel fulfilled, nor will she.

Women on the other-hand are allowed all emotions, excluding anger, “nice girls don’t show there anger,” but they’re denied reason. How does this happen? Anything that treats women as unable to understand something, tells them that their mental reasoning abilities are not enough. The man makes the hard decisions, because women just can’t. “Its too difficult for you to understand or do honey,” or “don’t you trouble that pretty little head,” actually say women are not capable. So women disassociate from the rational mental part of themselves, just like men do with feelings.

Therefore, women can’t see or understand men’s heavy dependency on the mental. They see men as being heartless, not disabled. Women become disabled themselves, just like men. That’s because they’re not matured either. It takes the mental reasoning to understand what to do with the emotional awareness.

Like emotional little girls, women remained stuck in immaturity, as are men. It just looks different, but these are learned handicaps. One is of the overstuffed, locked-down, mental variety; the other is seemingly the embodiment of rampant chaotic emotions.

Women haven’t been taught, encouraged, or allowed to use their mental abilities, nor how to focus emotions with these abilities. If they were they could understand and guide men to wholeness. Instead, they judge men as Neanderthals. You can’t live with them and can’t live without them.

Men don’t teach, allow, or encourage women to think, and therefore, become angry and frustrated with women’s emotional chaos. Yet, because men have been denied access to their emotions, they can’t understand, and are helpless to intervene. This results in their being left unfulfilled and resentful.

We must all awaken to our own missing parts, not blame the others. This is not walking on water, or becoming a Guru, and yet it is. I always thought to awaken meant some giant leap into an unattainable superhuman state. No, it means awakening from our dream-like states of semi-consciousness, to a fully aware and feeling human state. Go for it! You can do it! All you have to do is to use your intention to create it and take action. Oh, and don’t forget to forgive yourself and others for past, present, and future mistakes. This is how we learn.

This article is based on a radio interview I did on E! Entertainment Radio with hosts Michael Yo and Hyla, June 6th. We had a great (but short) interview on the topic of the Sex and the City (SATC) show/movie. Their position was that the SATC behavior models presented women having the freedom, sexual freedom to act like men. If men act like sluts (womanizers or players), women be able to also they proffered. The interviewers then asked unexpectedly what my marital status was; I said divorced. They then  asked, well don’t I casually pleasure myself with women? No, I don’t anymore, I have learned. I so told them that my experiences of having sex, only to ask myself afterwards, “what the hell was I doing with this person,” raised the red flag for me. Further, I felt worse, not better having had this indiscriminant sex. The hosts said they had experienced the same thing. Why is this so? I know questioning the “joys” of sex is not what men are taught. Real men always enjoy sex, don’t they? My point was that at least some of the characters in SATC are teaching women this same masculine behavior. This I content is a formula for disaster.

The interview, which went longer then scheduled, ended shortly thereafter due to time constrains without my explaining a critical point. I did say that I supported men’s growth enabling them to create true connection, and I don’t support men’s present training, my old training, to be disconnected users of female bodies. To then suggest that women behave like men as they presently are trained is nothing short of disastrous.

Now, to the key question that went unsaid. In both the hosts and my experience of unsatisfying “casual” sex mentioned above, why it was unsatisfying was not addressed. The natural answer is because we were with the wrong partner. For whatever reason, other then a connection of sexual organs, there was no connection. OK, so here is the real question, who was being the wrong partner, the ones we were with, or us?

If you find yourself singing, “I can’t get no, no satisfaction,” it is all about you not being the person that creates it, not them. When you choose to masturbate using another’s body, which is what passes for sex nowadays, you dishonor and are out of alignment with your own heart. This is how the unfulfilled emptiness is created.

The “real” purpose of sex is to connect two souls, creating a connection of intimacy and love, not to just get your “rocks off.” The later dishonors you and the other person, and deep inside you always know it. I did, and as I awakened, I realized this was not what I wanted, it was not filling the inner emptiness, nor did it serve me, or my partners. So I basically stopped doing this. I am not saying this is easy. It takes courage to stand up to the truth, our truth, but stand you must, to be a real man, a god of love, not a macho god of the holy sausage.

Men have been taught to use sex as a means of fulfillment. With a modicum of maturity, one quickly finds out something is wrong with this thinking simply by noticing a lack of fulfillment. Either we blame it on: the woman, the position, the moment, location, your mother complexes, or worst of all, yourself as being inadequate. NONE OF THE ABOVE IS CORRECT! It is the patriarchal teaching that makes intimacy and connection a juicy hotdog in a bun proposition. This is not to say sex is wrong, on the contrary, connected intimate sex is wonderful, fulfilling, and sacred. But beware, without the intimate connection it is just masturbating. If you and your partner want this, so be it. However, my experience of humanity and myself tells me that we are all really seeking inner fulfillment, but we just don’t know how to find it, so we settle on what we have been taught, sex. After all, Hollywood, SATC, and seemingly every aspect of our “modern” society have become obsessed with it, and it is difficult to see clearly through all the muck.

Here is how you start the process: First, recognize the problem, second stop what doesn’t work, and third look for what “feels good”, but in your heart, not your organs. As we have a society devoid of spiritual awareness, which teaches base sexuality, this will require you to step outside of your box, the limitations of your present beliefs, and this takes effort and courage. You can do it, you must do it, and your soul depends on it.

Discuss this openly, men especially with your male friends, you will find an important fact – you are not alone at all. You are not crazy, defective, or lacking. We have simply all been taught how to behave in ways that are counter to our own fulfillment. That’s where the craziness lies, in what we have been taught, our patriarchal programming.

So let’s all declare that we are done with that thinking and find ways that truly fulfill our partners and us. Imagine a world where this is prevalent. Imagine.

All hail the gods of sleaze! Sex and the City panders to the prurient interests, exulting the meaninglessness of humanity devoid of heart and soul. This it encourages under the guise of women’s freedom, the freedom to exalt the darkness within. Explore it, yes, acknowledge it as a part within all, yes, but worship it, no. Yet, women are flocking to this movie. What’s that about?

Proponents will defend their “freedom of speech” rights, being driven by their greedy agendas. Janice Joplin sang it best, “Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose.” Oh great! There’s nothing left to lose, so what the hell. Let’s do nothing, declare our impotence, “there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Well, I don’t accept this, and I resent not only treating men as mindless buffoons, but also depicting women as shallow, lying whores. Both sexes have said the same of the other, haven’t they? Just like the very desperate housewives, these depictions NEVER show an evolution in thought and only serve to make these views seem more the norm and therefore OK. Is this really freedom, or our dark-sides spewing out in the name of freedom?

This show/movie depicts women acting like men at their worst. “You’ve come a long way baby,” now you can act like men at their worst. You go girls, show them what shallow heartless sluts women really can be. That will really make a difference, won’t it? And we all lap it up, like dogs in heat, don’t we? What great role models you actresses portray. But it sells movies, makes money, and whores are whores, aren’t they.

What about the damage done men seeing them as shallow simpletons whose purpose is to be manipulated and used? This naturally creates resentment in men. Sex and the City encourages women to act out their darkness as a norm. This comes from a twisted view of the feminine that it is weak, and therefore, women must act like men, forsaking femininity to be strong. This actually demeans the feminine. First off, women are not weak, though they are taught to believe this by the patriarchal paradigm, as are men. Women must break free from these beliefs and find their own inner wisdom, incorporating the masculine, NOT becoming men. The worst part in trying to act like the opposite sex is that usually each sex takes on the most glaring characteristics of their opposites. Like being a slut, which is not a feminine characteristic at all; it is the masculine energy in a woman run amok. It is the furthest thing from women’s heritage – wisdom.

As to the resentment created by using and manipulating men, as many women feel men have done, do you think that it will magically disappear? If you do you are delusional, and I promise you it will come back on all women to haunt them. Just as men’s transgressions come back on men to haunt them. Both viewpoints need to be healed. Vengeance is not evolutionary. Two wrongs make a catastrophe, not a right. A continual attempt to poke each other’s eye out leaves us all blind. This is not wisdom and it opposes the true nature and purpose of the feminine to be The Gods of Wisdom. Isn’t it time to awaken and see this type of “harmless entertainment” for the damage it does?